Solutions

January 8, 2012

When I see all the damage done to these babies and the lives that follow, my first reaction is pain and to say, "Ain't this awful."  I think a lot of people share the "ain't it awful" reaction. The best and most reliable way to tune it out is to go into denial. Denial is the most effective defense we have to address the things we can't change. I can hear it now,"Nothing I can do about it."

But with some people - me, things are a different: After my first reaction, something happens. I start looking for solutions - how can this be fixed? 

Looking for solutions: There is one obvious solution - eliminate alcohol. There's no way we are going to outlaw alcohol. Unfortunately the human race is not ready for that. Remember we tried it and it was a dismal failure. For some reason we need the social lubricants and escapes that alcohol provides us. (Kind of sad when you think about it.)

So back to finding workable solutions: The first thing we have to agree on is we should do something to stop the damage done to the thousands of these babies. We need to find common ground where we can all stand to make the world a safer place for these unborn babies. 

One of the solutions centers on us men. I had a discussion the other day with a mom who cares for her FASD son. At my request, the discussion turned to men.  My question was, "Where are the  men?" (I can't take credit for the question only repeating it.) In Last Call, one of the doctors at Children's Hospital said, "Women drink with men. Women drink because of men." 

I know it may not be politically correct to say "Why don't you be a man?" It's not a demeaning statement to a woman. You could say the same thing to her, "Why don't you be a huMAN?" 

Someone suggested part of our problem may be that no one is teaching boys to be men? Maybe someone should be teaching all of us about how to be someone who is willing to take responsibility for our own actions. Why don't you be a leader? Why don't you care about your fellow huMAN beings? Shouldn't we be teaching this to everyone? 

The truth of the matter is men and women are different. Generally, men are stronger than women. Our brains work differently causing us to be better at some things than women. And the same is true with women who are better at many things that men aren't. Viva la difference. 

It used to be that being a man was a good thing. It implied leadership, strength and levelheadedness. It’s more like being a responsible person. So how does this apply to FASD? 

Here is one of the things I have to say to young men, "If you are in a relationship with a woman and there is any chance she may be pregnant, you need to talk to her about drinking. If you need to stop drinking during her pregnancy, to support her, then stop. If you can't then go find some help." 

If you are a woman, what will you say to a young woman?